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Dear Thinkers,
Logically, as thinking, and feeling humans, we NEED emotional intelligence (EQ).
This means how well you understand human emotions. Not just your own, but the emotions of others too…where they come from, why they are there, and what purpose they serve.
The intelligence component is about how effectively we observe the patterns and practices people engage in, and how well we use that knowledge to guide our thoughts and shape our conclusions about what we need to know. This demonstrates how logic is also wrapped up in EQ. When we are observant, we can see the cause and effect of human decisions and sequential outcomes. This takes a lot of mental clarity however, and one must clear the cognitive way first to be able to notice what really is REALITY.
The degree of accuracy to which we assess ourselves and other human beings is fundamental to the quality of our social decisions.
Today’s Trio of Thoughts Will Be:
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An Aphorism: A concise, insightful statement that expresses a general truth or observation memorably. It’s why quotes are so profound. They trigger deep thought in just a few short words.
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This week’s education lesson by me: HOW TO LOGICALLY INCREASE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
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Critical Thinking Activities
THOUGHT 1
AN APHORISM
“The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain.” — Daniel Goleman, Book: Emotional Intelligence, 1995
I am asking you to re-think that same quote I used last week in the context of this week’s letter.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman is best known for popularising the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ) in his book, Emotional Intelligence. He brought it to the attention of the world but the concept was originally developed by psychologists Peter Salovey (Currently President of Yale University USA) and John Mayer (University of New Hampshire, USA) in the early 1990s.
It is an important skill and in the book, Goleman discusses how to increase EQ, which all people can do, is through developing self-awareness, empathy, and social skills. He states this is key for personal and professional success and is more important than traditional IQ.
Having observed and worked with many people with cognitive struggles over many years, I’ve noticed that people tend to exhibit higher intelligence in certain areas while showing less proficiency in others—so, I fundamentally agree with Goleman’s ideas.
THOUGHT 2
HOW TO LOGICALLY INCREASE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Logically, I believe intelligence should be evaluated in terms of its practical application—that is, its usefulness. So, some people may be highly intelligent in one setting and not so much in others. They may be able to be more objective when talking about one topic but suddenly lose the ability to do so in another setting.
In the social and psychological world, a traditionally high IQ may not be useful for mental health or positive social outcomes. This is why high IQ bosses or parents for example might be able to in practical terms know how to strategically approach a problem but end up not being good leaders or mentors because their intellectual understanding of how people think and feel is low. This has all sorts of implications for the quality and health of their relationships.
This is why EQ becomes fundamentally important.
Goleman states that 3 factors are fundamental to developing EQ:
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Self-Awareness
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Empathy
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Social Skills
Goleman’s EQ in simple terms describes critical thinking for the social world.
SKILL ONE: SELF-AWARENESS
‘Self-awareness’ for example, is fundamental in increasing critical thinking as it makes us aware of our biases. Biases control our emotions and guide our thoughts. They are the reason we can not see the real “truth”. Without self-awareness and EQ, we will simply see our biased version of “truth”.
In critical thinking practice we develop the practice of self-awareness through a very important intellectual skill called ‘reflection’. It is the same thing.
Reflection happens when we read or hear an idea, and we instantly connect it with our existing knowledge. It is inside this period of reflection that we can do our best emotionally intelligent work. Depending on the internal and intuitive level of intelligence in this moment of reflection, the new ideas will either:
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Immediately clash with our current beliefs so we resist and reject it as soon as the point of thought discomfort.
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Be close enough to what we already think so it reinforces and deepens our conviction in what we believe.
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Trigger cognitive discomfort, and the most self-aware among us will sit with that discomfort, allowing new knowledge to challenge old assumptions by assessing its validity based on logic, reason, fairness, and good faith.
The last point is often observed in those who eventually become intelligent thinkers because they become comfortable with seeking cognitive discomfort. They do this by voluntarily reading or listening broadly and widely across ideas, which inherently challenge their existing beliefs and introduce new perspectives. In contrast, the most biased people tend to expose themselves only to similar ideas—those that feel cognitively comfortable.
This is where honesty comes in.
The extent to which you are honest about your existing ‘thought flaws’ will influence how likely you are to change them.
To put it in the most straightforward way possible: Your mind IS just as flawed as the minds of others. The more attention you place on observing and identifying these flaws, the quicker you will increase your emotional intelligence (EQ).
This does not mean you are always wrong it just reminds you to evaluate the thought before accepting it as truth.
There are many reasons our brain uses its biases; it allows us to judge the value of an idea. But the less you know about others that is the less EQ you have, the more your biases will limit your opportunity for human understanding.
The exercise of building EQ involves observing your own thoughts as if you were an objective, detached observer. This is VERY difficult especially when you are totally swamped with problems that are making you feel emotions. You can not observe the mind objectively when your body needs subjective attendance.
But once you begin to do this as habit you will begin to see that the very things you judge in others are thought practices you participate in yourself.
The ability to tell yourself these types of emotional truths is not only fair, honest, and intelligent, but it is fundamentally healing for the emotionally wounded mind.
This is exactly what psychotherapists and counselors aim to do in the therapeutic setting.
We encourage the patient, client, or vulnerable person to think about their problematic thinking patterns as objectively as possible. When we are mixed up in our feelings from the inside subjective world, it is hard to assess them for what they are.
Instead, we just feel them and react.
We need to move from feeling and reaction to observing and understanding.
A reminder: this is just for a little while until you have reached a point where you can trust your thoughts. Once that happens, you have more freedom to use your feelings and intuitions, as you have worked on increasing your EQ to the point where your feelings are based on an emotionally mature perspective.
SKILL TWO: EMPATHY
Goleman’s second skill for increasing EQ is learning “empathy.” In critical thinking training, we go a step further and call this “intellectual empathy” (IE).
Empathy is the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings by putting yourself in their shoes, recognising their emotional experience, and responding with appropriate compassion. IE goes even further; the intellectual component refers to a reflective intelligence that we draw on to objectively understand the emotions and perspectives of others.
****The reflective part again ties back to Goleman’s self-awareness****
Global Empathy Decline
In today’s globally Americanised world we are witnessing a mass reduction in collective empathy (I say this because right now most of the ideas we hear are American because they are the most vocal online and we spend a lot of time online). This is because, with more overall wealth across the Western world, we rely on others less and as a result, are not spending enough time with our communities. Because we no longer physically and economically need other people as much, we are not as motivated to protect our connections with others. This is having a serious impact on developing EQ—and as a result detrimental to our mental health.
Intellectual Empathy Growth
We will naturally engage in behaviours that increase our intellectual empathy as our EQ grows. The more we understand the reasons behind the flaws in human thought that guide our biases, the better we can intellectually empathise with the behaviours, thoughts, and consequences of others’ choices. We begin to see them objectively rather than reacting to them subjectively. This is where the intelligence comes in. Intelligence has always been about how we can separate ourselves from what we are trying to “see”.
Tolerance and Exposure
When we are comfortable with our emotions and understand them intellectually, we then become far more tolerate of the ideas and thoughts of others. Logically, if we are more tolerant of others and if we can view them objectively and with less emotional reactivity, we will naturally feel comfortable exposing ourselves to more ideas we are willing to listen to. This expands our intellectual empathy.
Engaging with Challenging Characters
This is precisely why we watch some people who can have conversations with people who others often despise and wouldn’t be caught dead in the same room as them. When someone’s character is seen as flawed and their ideas contradict our personal values, an emotionally immature mind may shut out even the possibility of considering their ideas. This does not mean you need to agree with the ideas. It simply means you are willing to hear them to try and understand as opposed to accept.
A critical thinker or emotionally intelligent individual can engage in conversation objectively with almost anyone—listening actively without taking things personally. In the name of social change and to make a better world, this level of emotional self-control and stability is a powerful mind. They strive to understand, learn, and address problems, rather than letting division and rejection fuel hate and further conflict.
FUN THERAPY FACT: In the therapeutic setting, when working with clients, the key to cognitive rehabilitation and psychological improvement is to begin with developing a strong rapport with our clients. We call this the ‘therapeutic alliance (TA)’.
I am a TA and human bond professional development trainer so this is a very important topic for me. We can change or improve nothing without the human bond.
Without a therapeutic alliance or human bond, we will have no client trust, and without trust, the client will not gain benefit from therapy. It is a therapist’s professional code to begin with this goal—even with the worst characters in society. We must accept our clients with unconditional positive regard (without judgement) to be effective in helping them improve, which in turn is best for the society to which that person returns.
SKILL THREE: SOCIAL SKILLS
Goleman’s last way to build EQ is ‘social skills’. Now, you will be socially skilled/socially intelligent the higher your EQ and intellectual empathy become.
This is simply a natural, organic, and sequentially logical progression. If your EQ is high and you understand human differences and diversity, you will be better able to navigate all the social worlds you exist within with intelligence and personal benefit. You need this now more than ever especially since the people you share community spaces with now think more differently to you than ever before.
For last week’s Newsletter that talks about increasing social intelligence CLICK HERE: CONSTRUCT YOUR LIFE WITH LOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
THOUGHT 3: ACTIVITY
Check out the minds of some of these highly emotionally intelligent critical thinkers. Assess their history, the work they do, motivations/intentions, and evaluate outcomes.
Reminder: Think critically!
• Daryl Davis – A musician and activist who currently engages members of the Ku Klux Klan, encouraging them to renounce hate through conversation and personal connection. His method is successful. Hate on hate breeds more hate.
• Nelson Mandela – A leader and President of South Africa from 1994-1999 known for engaging with political adversaries to promote reconciliation and healing in post-apartheid South Africa. He demonstrated the power of intellectual empathy in overcoming division.
• Thich Nhat Hanh – A Buddhist monk renowned for his commitment to dialogue and understanding, even with those who disagreed with him. He taught mindfulness (self-awareness and reflection) and compassion (empathy) have inspired millions to approach conflict with calm emotional control.
BOOK RECOMMENDATION FOR ALL HUMANS WHO THINK AND FEEL:
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. New York, NY: Bantam Books.
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