TELL YOURSELF THE TRUTH

Tell Yourself the Truth

That’s this week’s critical thinking lesson.

The Problem: What Is Truth?

Well, for any topic we first have to have a reason to be interested in it. We are also more likely to get close to the truth if we focus our attention on those with extensive experience—either due to prolonged exposure or recent, relevant engagement.

Through observing consistent outcomes that prove beneficial, we usually begin to trust in the process. The results are attractive.

That’s why we tend to follow people who have been successful repeatedly. This is the type of evidence that demonstrates what could potentially be true.

For example:

• If we want to build a solid bridge, we will talk to an engineer.

• If we need a successful heart transplant, we will listen to a good heart surgeon.

• If we want to master cake-making, we will learn from a skilled baker.

BUT What Is Truth in the Social Realm?

Now, outside of this, we have social truths.

So, here is where things get complicated.

Everybody has their own social world and subsequently, their own social truths.

As a sociologist, my job becomes particularly complex because convincing people that their truth is not shared is not easily accepted. Everybody wants their version of life to be correct. It’s easier that way.

In the social sense truth is shaped by perception which comes from:

• Individual (micro) experiences. beliefs, values

• Wider social influences (macro), politics, laws

• Community & group behavior (mezzo), rules, language

• Interaction of biological factors, personality traits, and social experiences (childhood attachment, relationships, experiences etc)

These create unique cultural divergences in what each person may perceive as “true.”

At the very least, it feels real.

In social life, truth is not just about objective reality; it is what you believe to be true, what holds meaning, and what feels relevant to your present well-being.

However looking at how we live our lives, some people have healthier social experiences than others. If things are not working so well, you have a reason to use some CT to solve the problem.

Why is this?

• People with strong social well-being and mental health tend to recognise how to use information and apply it as knowledge effectively.

• People with poorer social and psychological well-being often passively consume information—seeing and hearing it, but never engaging with it critically or putting the knowledge to use.

Find the Truth That Matters to You…

Because everything else is irrelevant.

Believe me, your biases have already decided what is important to you.

Critical thinking will help you analyse what elements need to change and what can stay.

Remember:

• We will naturally choose to stay comfortable and stable as a priority.

• Critical thinking takes cognitive effort.

Let’s explore some examples of truth statements:

• I get breathless easily. I am unfit. I consistently make choices known to impact health negatively.

• Heart disease is the leading cause of death globally. Risk factors include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity (CDC, 2025).

• The environment I am in makes me very unhappy. I have not changed anything for years.

• Boys are generally more likely to be systematic thinkers, and girls are more likely to be empathic thinkers (Greenberg et al., 2018).

• The conversation did not go well. The language used caused problems.

• My behaviour is impacting someone I love in negative ways. I do not want this.

• Susan is a better tennis player than me. Susan practices more than me. Susan is a more strategic thinker than me.

And then…Multiple Things Can Be True Simultaneously

Take this series of truth statements about a subjective experience:

• My relationship with my father is strained.

• My father’s communication skills are poor.

• He did many things I think were wrong.

• My father had a hard childhood.

• My father has his own worldview.

• My father is a good person.

• My father loves me.

• I can be unkind to my father.

• I am not a good son.

• I am a good son.

• I love my father.

You will need to lay out truth statements for yourself if you are facing a dilemma.

Our biases can complicate things as we often smother the truth with emotions like anger, resentment, jealousy, ego, fear, pride.

***Activity: Practice a series of truth statements about a problem you have. One rule: make sure they are as honest as possible.

Critical Thinking Is ALSO Telling Yourself the Truth About What You DO NOT KNOW

The knowledge gap is the power play.

• This is where you either seek to fill it or simply leave the gap open.

• The human mind struggles to keep knowledge gaps open—but all gaps do not need to be closed, you need to practice feeling comfortable with this.

• Trying to quickly fill them leads to incorrect assumptions based on biased ideas.

How do you think?

Take the Critical Thinking Test Today

If you want some insight into how you make decisions—whether they support or hinder your psychological well-being and social life—take my evidence-based Critical Thinking Test here.

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The PhD Experience Teaches us a lot about TRUTH. It is a Crash Course in Critical Thinking.

I share all the lessons I learned with you in these letters.

Learning how to tell myself the truth was the BIG lesson during my PhD.

You are also experiencing the same lessons—but over a lifetime.

The Truth Process Is Brutal:

• We voluntarily place ourselves in a position for our ideas to be peer-reviewed (judged by other people) in the most extreme way possible.

• We are pushed to our thinking capacity by being intellectually humbled over and over.

• In just a few years, our minds undergo an exceptional transformation.

Academia Crushes Your Confidence

Confidence is built then it is taken away on repeat. When we receive honest, blunt feedback in academia, we cannot worry about our feelings.

And believe me—no one cares.

• The process has to be brutally efficient to get the best of the mind out and working.

• The academics reviewing our work are drowning in their own workload.

• They have no time except to cut to the chase.

We simply need to come back stronger, speak better, and back ourselves up with better logic. It is up to us, no one is there to do it for us.

Negative Comment Stacking

When that feedback comes back—sometimes just days after we have thrown blood, sweat, and tears into a version we were finally proud enough to submit—it arrives with hundreds of comments tearing our confidence to absolute shreds.

Each comment burns more than the last because every critique lands on an already fresh wound.

It is intense.

We go through this weekly for years.

Statistically PhD dropout rates are high. It is because it is cognitively very hard. It is cognitively effortful. After going through it and watching so many students, colleagues and friends go through it is a psychological game more than anything else.

The brain that can persist years of that type of cognitive onslaw will make it to the finish line as a stronger version.

These statistics are important because they show you how easily people will quit or resist growth.

Why Does Any of This Matter?

Because the pattern of people quitting when things feel cognitively hard is high. However, those who stick to it and face the difficult thoughts will get stronger. Then nothing can get you. You can optimise your cognitive potential.

For example, every time I was told my writing was not good enough and that I did to know enough I went back and tried to improve. I could have quit instead. I wanted to but I didn’t and I am so glad I stuck it out.

Personal Example

How I Told Myself ONE Truth to Improve:

I am naturally higher in EQ (Empathy Quotient), and I know this about myself.

• I have learned and now recognise as a female I have an elevated likelihood and potential skill for emotional and social intelligence.

• I know this is true as I have observed this in my interactions with my husband, my children, with friends, and social settings.

• I automatically care more about feelings.

• This is my strength.

• This gives me an advantage—but only if I use it effectively.

On the other hand:

• My husband is more of an automatic systems thinker. He understands this about himself.

• This is his strength.

• He instinctively prioritises what is right and wrong based on nonabstract outcomes—feelings come second.

Now that we are both aware of our strengths and weaknesses, we use them to create a more harmonious balance in our home. We look to one another to support one another in the home in the domains that we are strong. It takes me more cognitive effort to switch to systems thinking and it takes him more cognitive effort to switch to empathic thinking. Now that we know this, we are a better team than we have ever been.

BUT, since my CT training, I have strengthened my systematic thinking ability. Before this, my natural tendency for EQ meant I was emotionally aware, but I didn’t always use my emotional awareness with intelligence.

Now, because of CT training, I see my EQ as a superpower.

The more willing you are to accept what is true, the better you can make decisions that benefit you.

If you don’t start at a place of what may be true, you are forever chasing your own tail. You can never arrive at the finish line if you didn’t even start at the right race.

You are earning your own PhD of life. Keep at it.

Tell yourself the truth.

Thanks for reading this week, folks!

As always, send me your thoughts and reflections—I love hearing from you. Please know I am behind on my replies as I get a lot of emails and messages. Your thoughts motivate me and I read every one so do not stop!

Given all your great stories, I am launching a new section called Thought Revolutions, where I’ll feature YOUR real-world applications of the lessons from the Sunday Synapse or any reflections and observations you’d like to share.

THOUGHT REVOLUTIONS

“These lessons keep making me think… and then think some more. I’m starting to really wonder more about the people who keep upsetting me—what happened in their life to make them act that way?”

(Jackie from LA, USA)

“Your words have pushed me to ask myself some very important questions about if I am right or I am wrong…I know that if it feels hard it doesn’t always mean it is bad”.

(Musa from Nigeria)